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Caught between a rock and a hard place…

Of course there are a few reasons for my lack of blogging. No time. Nothing much is up. No inspiration. So on and so forth. It applies to my Instagram and Twitter posts as well. I have to admit though, the main concern for me is the fear and respect for my children.

I chose to write, photograph and post about my life but my children didn’t. Or at least, have not decided for themselves yet whether they would like to or not. Then there is this online paedophile concern that lurks in the corners every time I think I want to post a picture. I don’t want anyone to be using my child’s photo for anything. Not even a meme. But once it is out in the world wide Web it remains there forever. Even with all the security measure we put in, it can still get out. After all, we are all only connected. Just 6 degrees of separation separates us all.

Which means the moment I share a photo in Facebook even with friends only setting, it can and will be shared with others if anyone of my friends liked the picture or commented on it. It pops up on their friends’ feed telling them that their friend has just liked a photo. All this ease has put a stone in my shoe, so to speak, making me uncomfortable. Makes me think twice before posting.

Then, comes the part that maybe my children won’t like their antics to be splayed out for all to see. Especially when they hit their teens. By then, it is too late to say sorry or to retract. What is done is done. It cannot be undone.

Now cones the crux of it all. Since becoming a mother my life revolves around them. Almost every picture and thought I have, have them in it. Scroll through my phone and all I see are my two angels looking back at me. Then when I am with them, I don’t have time for anything else. My hands are full. Even if I take a photo of something else, I have no time to organise my thoughts and make a blog post even if that what the intention when I took that photo.

Or maybe I am just lazy. I still work and am lucky that my time is flexible. Household chores are done to the minimum. I get a lady in to do the heavy duty cleaning. Maintenance is key. Whatever time I have to myself now is late at night, which usually doesn’t happen as by the time I put them to bed, I would have fallen asleep too. Or the time I have the babysitter who is an angel with Z and now I have to get J used to her for an hour or so, so that I can get some gym time in, is my only “me” time. J like Z before her is with me 24/7. There is always tons of laundry to get through. So many older clothes that don’t fit “growing like weeds kids” have to be routinely sorted and stored or given away. That in itself is a chore! Then I have a threenager now who will wear only what she wants regardless of the weather outside. I think she is made for warmer weather. We are living in the wrong country! šŸ˜“šŸ˜ Just the other day, to counter this I thought it was wise to start her early on her choice of clothing for the day. We took 5 hours to end up not looking like a hobo and be adequately dressed for cold rainy spring evening. Don’t forget loads of screaming and tantrums and threats of “if you don’t get dressed, we are leaving without you!”. I just don’t have the energy after everything. Then I just procrastinate. 

I would love to blog more. I just have to find my balance which I have yet to find. Maybe until then you will hear from me sparodically. Unless I have something else to write about that doesn’t involve my children. 

On another note, it is still surreal that I am now a mother of two! Surreal even after 3 years….

Good night! 

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