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Caught between a rock and a hard place…

Of course there are a few reasons for my lack of blogging. No time. Nothing much is up. No inspiration. So on and so forth. It applies to my Instagram and Twitter posts as well. I have to admit though, the main concern for me is the fear and respect for my children.

I chose to write, photograph and post about my life but my children didn’t. Or at least, have not decided for themselves yet whether they would like to or not. Then there is this online paedophile concern that lurks in the corners every time I think I want to post a picture. I don’t want anyone to be using my child’s photo for anything. Not even a meme. But once it is out in the world wide Web it remains there forever. Even with all the security measure we put in, it can still get out. After all, we are all only connected. Just 6 degrees of separation separates us all.

Which means the moment I share a photo in Facebook even with friends only setting, it can and will be shared with others if anyone of my friends liked the picture or commented on it. It pops up on their friends’ feed telling them that their friend has just liked a photo. All this ease has put a stone in my shoe, so to speak, making me uncomfortable. Makes me think twice before posting.

Then, comes the part that maybe my children won’t like their antics to be splayed out for all to see. Especially when they hit their teens. By then, it is too late to say sorry or to retract. What is done is done. It cannot be undone.

Now cones the crux of it all. Since becoming a mother my life revolves around them. Almost every picture and thought I have, have them in it. Scroll through my phone and all I see are my two angels looking back at me. Then when I am with them, I don’t have time for anything else. My hands are full. Even if I take a photo of something else, I have no time to organise my thoughts and make a blog post even if that what the intention when I took that photo.

Or maybe I am just lazy. I still work and am lucky that my time is flexible. Household chores are done to the minimum. I get a lady in to do the heavy duty cleaning. Maintenance is key. Whatever time I have to myself now is late at night, which usually doesn’t happen as by the time I put them to bed, I would have fallen asleep too. Or the time I have the babysitter who is an angel with Z and now I have to get J used to her for an hour or so, so that I can get some gym time in, is my only “me” time. J like Z before her is with me 24/7. There is always tons of laundry to get through. So many older clothes that don’t fit “growing like weeds kids” have to be routinely sorted and stored or given away. That in itself is a chore! Then I have a threenager now who will wear only what she wants regardless of the weather outside. I think she is made for warmer weather. We are living in the wrong country! πŸ˜“πŸ˜ Just the other day, to counter this I thought it was wise to start her early on her choice of clothing for the day. We took 5 hours to end up not looking like a hobo and be adequately dressed for cold rainy spring evening. Don’t forget loads of screaming and tantrums and threats of “if you don’t get dressed, we are leaving without you!”. I just don’t have the energy after everything. Then I just procrastinate. 

I would love to blog more. I just have to find my balance which I have yet to find. Maybe until then you will hear from me sparodically. Unless I have something else to write about that doesn’t involve my children. 

On another note, it is still surreal that I am now a mother of two! Surreal even after 3 years….

Good night! 

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Newest addition…latest happenings..

It is a little early to write about winding down 2016 but I think should get it in before December begins and I will be in the flurry of end of the year activities and will definitely not have time to write.

The last I wrote was back in March and besides having a new venture, I was carrying another bun in the oven at that time. Fast forward months, Julie joined us on the 19th Of September. So now, we are a family of four!! She is gorgeous and a total darling. Of course I am bias! She is my little girl after all. πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€


Being pregnant with her was totally different from her sister. I didn’t put on as much which is a plus! I also felt less heavy with her till the last 2 weeks. I put on 2kgs in the last 2 weeks!! The stretch marks reared its ugly head in the last 2 weeks too and it was going so well…sigh. I guess it can’t be helped. I was pregnant, after all.

She turned out to be quite a big baby, literally. Born a healthy 4.11 kg. A head full of hair like her sister. They even look alike!! Which can only mean that they will grow up and look like their dad. Sigh…oh well, the huge eyes, long eyelashes and hopefully not a flat nose like mine and great hair colour is a good trade off. ;P

I don’t remember the last time I stayed in Malaysia for so long. This time I think it felt longer only because my daughter made it feel longer. Not in a bad way but because she misses her dad so each parting when he has to go back to work is a struggle. She also has her moments where she sniffles and cries when she misses her daddy. It breaks my heart each time. 😦

We are dealing with this because I can’t fly after a certain and I need and wanted to be back in Malaysia when I give birth. I don’t have as much support in Italy as I do back here. Also, for Chinese we have a confinement period where someone is hired to help you out with the baby and recovery for a whole month to 40 days. Been back since mid July and boy, when you have 3 kids all under 3 years of age and no school all under one roof, morning till night is like a war zone at home. I do understand that children are like that but in my pregnant state and constant screaming, laughing, running, crying and fighting for about 14-16 hours a day is not something I want to repeat any time soon. Though it is great that Z has someone to play with and I really like it that she can bond and get to know her maternal grandparents and uncles, aunts and cousins better.

So each time daddy comes to visit, is a time of great joy as Z is daddy’s little girl and each parting is met with crying and screaming of “I want daddy!!” sniff!! T_T

I like that she goes to school here too. Her English has improved and the best part of it all? Her Manglish!! Cracks me up!! I enrolled her in school or rather nursery here for the few months that we are here so that I can have some sanity and some time when J comes along to bond with her and recuperate. It was also important that she has something to do and learn something new and mix with children her age and not be cooped at home the whole 5 months that we are back. I think it has benefited her. She has celebrated Deepavali and today is the early Christmas celebration in school. Since it is an international school and being in Malaysia, she got to mix and learn about other cultures as well. In Italy, she would just be celebrating Christmas, Halloween and Easter. Here, she gets to celebrate all of the above and more. If we stay on, Hari Raya, Chinese New Year, Deepavali and even Wesak day.

J is crying for my attention now, so I have got to go. Hopefully I get to update soon. Getting the hang of being a mother of 2 though I still can’t believe that I am a mother at all! Still so surreal..it has been close to 3 years and now 2 children on, it is still surreal. ok…ok…got to go. Signing off just like that.

Till the next blog post….toodeloos!